If you are single and wish that you weren’t, it can be so frustrating, hurtful, lonely- you name it and you’ve probably experienced it during this season.
That’s why when a question popped up in my inbox from Jenelle about how to find hope when you are tired of being single, I had to write out some of my thoughts. Jenelle knows that I just got married, but that I also have waited a very long time for the right guy to come along and struggled with singleness along the way!
I don’t think that I always kept the faith that God had someone for me…and that’s ok.
I discovered that putting my hope in a future husband would fail me. However, placing my hope in a God who will never fail me or leave me is encouraging! I wrestled with God over the last few years because God doesn’t promise all of us a mate. I desperately wanted one, but I came to the place where even if God never gave me a husband or someone to share life with that I was going to be OK. I wasn’t gonna be happy about it, don’t get me wrong! However, I realized God knew best and would have some amazing plan for me as a single woman then that I wouldn’t be able to fulfill if I was married. I don’t think God wants to punish us or make us miserable. But our goal is not just to be happy while here on earth, instead it’s to make God’s name known by sharing who He is with others. I married my husband because I know he pushes me to know and serve God better and I think that we are more powerful at serving God together!
Suddenly, I realized that putting all my hope into God bringing me a husband, could end up destroying any relationship with a guy that could come along. Putting all the pressure on a guy to fulfill my hopes and dreams would surely crush our relationship. No man is meant to fulfill you. No relationship can be everything you need and crave as a single women. I had to start taking my hopes and dreams and giving them to God. Even now as a married woman, my husband fails me at times because he is HUMAN and just as sinful as I am. That’s when I’m so glad I have a relationship with God to fall back on. With my hope securely in a God who loves perfectly, I can live a more free and fulfilled life!
Here are some of the things I found that help to rock your single years:
- Invest in the friendships God has given you.
- Ask people out to coffee, get to know their hearts, carve out time to develop deep friendships with single men and women who you share life with.
- Explore the gifts and talents God has given you.
- This is your time to learn YOU. Whether it’s through personality tests or trying new things, discover what brings you joy and makes you feel full at the end of the day.
- Find somewhere to serve consistently.
- I love kids and so teaching the kids on Sundays at my church for years is one of my favorite things I did. You have more time on your hands than those who are married so use it to pour yourself out for others. You will be surprised how much it fills you up.
- Find a younger woman to mentor or invest in.
- This can be daunting, but face it, young girls look up to you. Share your faith, your makeup tips, and your heart with a young woman who needs someone pouring into her. There is so much I wish someone had told me in junior high so I have a 13 year old girl that I try to meet with every few weeks. We may just end up shopping or grabbing some ice cream but it’s so fun to mentor her.
- Try new things!
- From hang gliding, to swing dancing, to traveling to far away places, do the things that you may only be able to do now as a single person. You may just find a new passion!
- Go to a Christian counselor.
- This is super scary but one of the best things I have ever done. Working through your own issues from the past and even how you can grow can help you become the best version of yourself. I learned how to handle conflict better and once I was in a relationship it was so valuable!
- Treat Yourself
- Whether you love to get your nails done, buy yourself flowers, or get a massage, don’t forget to take care of yourself and enjoy the good things in life!
- Get Out of Debt
- I knew that if God brought the man of my dreams into my life with school debt of his own that it would be a huge burden to manage my debt combined with his. So I took Financial Peace University from Dave Ramsey, worked two jobs, and 3 years later I was debt free and felt like I was on top of the world! Even now that I am married it frees my husband and I from already worrying about financial hardship in marriage.
Please don’t hear me saying this was an easy process or that I was perfect at it! Some days I would try to embrace my single life and serve God and other days I would cry because I simply wanted someone in my life. It’s a daily battle! Some days I could watch chick-flicks with no problems and other days they would send me into a pit of lonely despair.Since there is no way to know if God has someone for you or not, then use this time to work on you! I read a book called “True Love Dates” by Deb Fileta and it gave a super healthy perspective on how we need to work on ourselves while we wait to see if God has a spouse for us. It’s great to get out there and to meet people but you can’t force a relationship to happen with the right person. So while you wait focus on getting your heart ready and becoming the woman that the man you would want to marry, would want to be with. For me, this looked like going to some Christian counseling on my own. I had plenty to deal with from my childhood and lots of things about me that may have killed a relationship because I didn’t know how to deal with them yet. I think because I went through counseling and God really grew me during a painful season, I became the woman that my now husband Hunter needed. My husband actually said that what made him interested in me is that I wasn’t flirting with him or acting desperate to get his attention like some of the other girls in our friend group. He just saw me loving life and serving the Lord. We ended up working on a service project together and then he got to know my heart he started to fall for me. The right man will love the confident woman that you are who is pursuing the Lord and not simply trying to find a mate.
The final thing that really helped me is reading blogs from truelovedates.com. We’ve interviewed Deb Fileta on the show and she has the best perspective I know out there on dating, singleness, and marriage! Visit InterracialDating.com and find singles to date with. I signed up and get notified every time she posts a new blog and even now that I’m married I read them all!I hope that’s helpful.
Our hearts are emotional and our feelings can deceive us from the truth. Just know that you are beautiful and valuable just as you are. No man can add or take away from that. Who knows, God may have someone for you in the future but I would hate for you to miss flourishing right now while waiting for him.