The Times I’m Most Unkind

Goals can be easy to set but hard to achieve. That’s the lesson that I’ve been learning the hard way this year as I attempt to get myself to a healthier weight (I still miss you, metabolism!).

Instead of going the fad diet route this time, I decided to team up with some close friends who were trying to achieve the same thing so that we could hold each other accountable. As we met to talk about our plan, I heard myself saying some pretty terrible things:

“I’m so fat.” 

I’m so gross.”

“I just want to feel beautiful.” 

Here’s the thing: I would never utter those words to another human being or say them about another woman. But for some reason, they leave my lips so naturally when I’m talking about myself!

So as we discussed our specific food goals, I decided to add a clause to my personal weight loss contract to hold myself accountable:

Above all else, I will treat myself with kindness.

When I feel like I’m falling short and self doubt starts to creep in, I will speak to myself in the same positive way I speak to those around me.

I’ll work hard for my goals, but I won’t let them consume me. I’ll celebrate my victories, and I won’t let my missteps destroy me.

I’ll remind myself daily that joy is not tied to a number on the scale….and that no ideal size will ever make me who I am.”

As I began to tell others about my pledge, a personal trainer told me what she tells her clients and her 18-year-old daughter:

“You’re not allowed to say negative things about yourself out loud.”

I’m so guilty of this! In an attempt to boost my ego and fish for compliments, I put myself down. What if, instead, I use those moments to intentionally give myself a compliment?

How would that change me? How would it change those around me? How would it change my world?

I know I won’t always be perfect at it, but I will work hard to fight the voice that that says I’m not enough…and remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

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Karla KoernerBekahLouAnnJaylynMissy Blain Recent comment authors
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Missy Blain
Missy Blain

I loved listening to you this morning. This is so true for so many woman, we are too hard on ourselves over a little extra weight or the number on the scale. I battle this every single day and I get upset that the scale decides what mood I’m in that day. I’m only 20 lbs over what I need to be, and that drives me crazy.

Thank you for sharing this contract!


Good for you. The further you slide into the negative self talk the easier it is to start doing things you’ll regret. That is how my eating disorder started.. constantly thinking about how I’m not good enough and then I found myself doing things to try and become good enough. It’s a slippery slope.


My boss told me I was no longer allowed to talk to myself because I am to hard on myself. He told me I am harder on me than anyone and he didn’t want to hear it from me.

You are so right Bekka we don’t speak negativity to our friends why do we do it to ourselves. Maybe you’re right, we are fishing for compliments.

I also like your affirmation at the end of your plan. Good job. I need to get there.

Karla Koerner
Karla Koerner

This is life changing. How can I be a part?