Wow, Bekah. You’re so strong! How are you holding it together? How do you keep going?
It’s a series of questions I’ve received a lot over the last 5 years. My husband’s chronic illness has filled that time with surgeries, ICU stays, and a lot of really heavy moments.
I had a few typical answers to that question like: “I cry in my car a lot!”
But the actual answer was that I wasn’t holding it together. And I wasn’t sure how I was even still standing, let alone still “going.” I was on the brink of a panic attack at least 10 times a day.
That all changed last month.
To add to his already complicated medical status, my husband was in a serious car crash. Our SUV rolled and created a new nightmare as we dealt with new pains, car insurance, and scrambling to find a vehicle.
While we were in the middle of that process, I found myself repeating a phrase every time a new issue would come up:
“That’s a tomorrow problem.”
It was my way of saying, “There’s so much going on that I can’t even begin to think about what to do about that, but it doesn’t have to be solved today, so let’s put it on the back burner.”
In finally reaching a breaking point, I found freedom. Even though life was more stressful than ever, I didn’t have the capacity to worry.
Here’s what I finally realized during that time: there is never going to be a shortage of things to worry about. But there are only 2 categories those things can fall into: 1. Do something about it, or 2. Pray about it.
That doesn’t mean I’m completely worry free. There will still be nights when I’m awake at 3am with fresh anxieties.
But by trying my best to focus on the next right thing to do and giving the rest to God, I’ve found a bit of peace in the middle of the chaos.