On today’s Hot Mess segment, we talked with Lindsey who has been through a lot in her life.
I’m a 17 year old girl who is struggling to believe.
When I was younger, I was abused physically and emotionally by my biological mom and all of her boyfriends. I was then in around 50 foster homes before I was adopted by my now parents at 12 years old.
Around the time I was adopted, I started viewing pornography, and I was hooked. I still struggle with it to this day. It feels like an uphill battle with roller skates on.
Sometimes, I get this feeling over me that I am a dirty and ugly person. How can anybody like the true mess that I am? If someone sees my true heart, they’ll think, “She’s broken. Why would I want to hang out with someone like that?”
I struggle believing that God is good, humble, loving, forgiving, and caring. I look at the things that I’ve gone through, and I read stories about other kids who have been going through similar things or even worse things. If He knows the future, why doesn’t He stop things before they happen? Because of the things that have happened to me, I feel like my whole life was ruined.
We had Lindsey talk with John Murphy from Rock House Center, and he was able to offer her some Biblical counseling and advice.
Lindsey said that struggling with pornography feels like trying to go uphill on roller skates, which makes sense, especially because of everything that Lindsey has been through: “Your intellect wants to not do it, but there is a woundedness and a hurt within you that continues to pull you that direction. When the heart gets healed, the desire will dry up.”
John also touched on why just removing yourself from the destructive behavior doesn’t always work when you’re facing pornography or any other addiction: “What changes and makes a difference is getting at the heart cause.”
Lindsey had mentioned in her story that she sometimes feels like a dirty person and fears that anyone who gets to see her heart wouldn’t want to be associated with her. John addressed those feelings:
“That is a common fear of all people: that if you knew me to this level, you would not want to be with me. That is why we need divine acceptance.”
He finished with something that most of us know but all of us need to be reminded of at some point:
“God knows everything there is to know about you, and loves you perfectly and for eternity. There is nothing you can reveal to Him that will change His mind.”