If you have ever been frustrated at God, thinking that He is withholding good things from you while giving them to others, you will fully understand where Rebecca was coming from when she emailed me. Truth be told, I have had to wrestle with this in my own life as well.
Dear Ms. Rock,
How are you not mad at God?!? I’m 31 and also single. I would love to have a Godly husband. I’m dating my first boyfriend and he says he loves me and wants to get married, but he’s not a Christian and seems very against the idea. I know we’re not supposed to be unevenly yoked…but I’m to the point “well God you haven’t given me another option so what am I to do”. I’m thinking about kids and that ticking time bomb. I just don’t know what I should do.
As a 35-year-old Christian woman, I understand completely where Rebecca is coming from. Like her, I want to get married but God hasn’t brought that “special someone” so I find myself getting angry at times with Him. I wonder what I’ve done wrong or if my expectations are just too high.
So, here are 5 things that help me as I play the waiting game. I hope it helps Rebecca in whatever decision she makes in her situation, and maybe these points can help you or someone you know who might be facing something similar.
Make a list
I had a friend once challenge me to make a list of people I truly love and would walk through the fire for. These are people that have loved me despite my faults and still choose me. Because of that, I give them the love I would give towards a husband if I had one. This means I reach out on special days that matter to them, like a birthday or the anniversary of the passing of someone close to them. I make sure to take the time to let them know how much they mean to me through letters and phone calls. Also, I promise to be there anytime they need me to be to the best of my ability.
Prioritize the right relationship
I realize that when I’m mad at God for my singleness, it’s because I’ve gotten my priorities out of line. I’ve put my relationship status above God. To correct this, I look around and take inventory of all the things I’m thankful for. To quote Wally, “You can’t be angry and thankful at the same time.” By looking around, I see how God has provided for me in the past and will in the future. He knows my needs before I do. Until then, it’s a want.
Social (media) distance
Social media is a lie. Yes, that pic shows her, her husband and 6+ kids vacationing in Florida but she FOR SURE isn’t posting about the fight she just had with her “hubby” on the way there, or how her 2-year-old upchucked in the back seat. You’re only seeing the highlight reel of people’s lives and comparing it to all the negative you perceive in yours. With that said, if you find yourself bitter while scrolling, take a break! I’ve done it before and will probably do it again.
Find friends who are in the same single status situation as you. If you’re continually around married couples, it’s easy to think you’re the only one battling singleness. That’s not the truth. There are many wonderful people who are in the same boat as you. My single friends help me see the truth of the situation all while keeping me from diving headfirst into a self-loathing pit.
P.S. – Make sure that when you’re hanging out with these friends, the conversations aren’t always about how “terrible” singleness may be. These friendships are meant to encourage both you and them. Take vacations together! Go shopping together! (insert High school Musical’s “We’re All In this Together) Ha!
It’s not all about you
If you’re not willing to wait for that right someone, do it instead for your future kids. Children that are born into unhealthy marriages don’t ask to be raised in a dysfunctional household. It leaves them confused, uncertain, and unstable. I’ve seen this firsthand through people I love. The repercussions of committing yourself to the wrong person, just to avoid remaining single, affects you emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It also has those same long-term effects on those closest to you including your future children and family.
I’ve never claimed to be a relationship expert. Look at me. I’ve been single most of my adult life. I will say, though, that I try to live in a way God would be pleased with. If that means I have to wait till I’m eighty and the man of my dreams doesn’t come until our walkers lock together, so be it. In the meantime, I’m thankful for all the ways God has seen me through and will continue to do whether with a man or without.