Bekah’s Letter

Dear Rebekah,

I imagine you’re going by Rebekah at this point. As I write this, we are barely recovering from the $2,000 in vet bills after our clumsy dog ran into a parked car. On the one hand, I hope she’s still alive, because she’s adorable. On the other hand, if she is still alive, I am so, so sorry. You are probably in debt.

I trust that my secret plan to overthrow Wally is in full effect. Can’t talk about that here.

Stay firm and don’t let Joey talk you into buying too many crazy gadgets. I can only imagine they’ll be way cooler in the future, and he’ll be way more persistent. Future Joey, if you read this too, no, you do not need a hover board.

Finally, I truly, truly hope you’re better at seeing your value. I hope you’re able to stand up tall and not let self-doubt and criticism weigh you down. And even if you’ve continued to let others walk all over you these past 10 years, I hope that hasn’t made you jaded and that you can still see the good in people.

Love,

Bekah

PS. If global warming is a thing in 2025, I owe you a dollar.

Zach’s Letter

Zach-

I hope you’re honored to read this because you know how much we hate writing notes.

So. You’re 45 now. How’s it feel to be so ridiculously old?

How was Wally’s funeral? I know you tried warning him a diet of only sugar wasn’t sustainable. Were they able to find him a gummy bear-shaped coffin?

Anna just turned 10. Did she test out of high school yet? Don’t be disappointed with her if she hasn’t. Give her a few more years to grow and love her through it.

I hope you still haven’t figured out what you want to be when you grow up. That’s boring. But I hope you’re doing something that matters.

Sincerely,

Better looking Zach

Betty’s Letter

Betty,

You’re now 40 years old! I hope you are happy and content right where you are.

I hope you’ve learned to stop comparing your life with others and being thankful for the path God has you on now even if it looks way different from everyone else’s.

I hope you’re still close to your tight knit group of friends and doing your best to make them feel loved and special.

NOW, I have to know…how many cats do you have? Have no shame in your answer! No judgment here. Remember that one is fun and two is a party no matter what people may say.

Is Clem still alive?

Is Justin Timberlake still trying to sing and dance cuz he’s in his 50s now and that’s kinda gross.

Also I hope the Taylor Swift pandemonium is over with. She’s so 2015. Are hashtags still a thing? If not, bring it back. #deuces

Wally’s Letter

Hey Wally or should I say Mr. President-

I can’t believe you pulled this off and you are now the President…of the hair club for men. I know it was a hard day when the last hair on your head plunged to his death in the sink, but don’t focus on the negative, look at all the good things in your life.

You finally accomplished your dream of being a contestant on a reality show, you probably wish it had been Amazing Race and not Biggest Loser, but you can mark it off the old bucket list.

There have been a lot of changes in your life and I know you wish your friends were still around to share in all the great things going on, but remember they are all in a better place…Zach is in Ohio where the Cavs have yet to win a national championship, Bekah works on her favorite radio show, the Carlos & Joy Show, and Betty lives in Vegas with the circa 1970 overweight, jumpsuit wearing Elvis impersonator she married.

Many people thought because of all the junk food you eat you would certainly be dead by now but who knew NASA would be studying your insides and plans to use what they have learned to help preserve astronauts’ bodies for the 20 year flight to Neptune. I would say #bodybyskittles but fortunately, twitter died in late 2015.

And finally, remember to listen to your gut when it tells you, “Zach, Bekah and Betty are plotting against you.” It has served you well so far.

Later-

Wally