Breaking up is hard to do. But sometimes necessary. We each have something we need to break up with, so we decided to make it formal with these break-up letters.
Dear Junk food,
This is a very hard letter for me to write because you are so unbelievable sweet, I know you have been my sugar daddy, and I am your little Nerd, but it is time for us to just take 5, We have hit a sour patch and I have invested a lot into this relationship I would say about 100 grand and it never seems like enough because at the end of every Payday, I have zero.
I know I might sound a little dramatic, I can almost here you Snicker, like a whatchamacallit….oh yeah a Dove, but I can’t help but feeling like sometimes I was from Mars and you were from Venus, I’ll admit I might have been cavalier with your heart like one of the 3 musketeers but you have to admit you all butterfingers when it came to mine.
I know we dreamed of one day naming our baby Ruth, but I feel that love is a marathon and not a sprint so it is better that we part ways now and make a fastbreak before we go any further down this rocky road. Even though we cannot be together because you are just not good for me, I hope you know that I will still be forever yours
Dear Ice Cream.
I. HATE. THIS. You have to believe me. You can’t honestly think I ever saw our relationship going this way. You and I used to be inseparable. I mean, I’ll admit it. I’m shallow. I know you had nothing going for you on the inside, but I loved you anyway because you were a beautiful specimen that made me happy in the moment, even if you did add inches to my waistline.
But that’s not the reason I have to end things. The family curse of lactose intolerance has caught up to me, and now, you’re just too much. I held out as long as I could. Others told me I had to give you up, but I fought for you. I told them, “I’ll take antacids! I can change! It’s worth it” But I can’t fight any longer. I have literally been sick over this decision, and I know what I have to do.
So goodbye, mint chocolate chip. Goodbye moose tracks. Goodbye, french silk pie blizzards. My stomach may not miss you, but my heart forever will.
(Nachos, if you’re reading this, I’m haven’t given up on you yet.)
Dear Carefree Freedom,
What can I say? I’ve started earning my degree at Colorado Christian University and since then we haven’t seen much of each other. We were going so strong but then we suddenly died.
There’s nothing wrong with you! It’s me. It’s all me. My degree is something that’s important to me and it’s unfair to keep you hanging on. So this is where I must leave you. We had a good run but it’s time that I matured and did better for myself. Maybe someday we can reconnect and pick up right where we left off but for now, I’ve got to let you go. It’s for the best.
Peace and blessings,
Dear Setting Things Wherever I Want,
We’ve had a good run. I’ve taken for granted my freedom to place things wherever I want, all willy-nilly with reckless abandon. The master of my domain.
But then Anna.
What gets set down, will get eaten. Nothing is safe: remotes, glasses, phones, keys, wallets. All make delicious snacks.
I hope this isn’t a permanent break up. I just need time. It’s not you, it’s me.
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Sorry. That’s where she grabbed my keyboard.