A Struggling Believer’s Story

There are songs that move you, then there are songs that stop you in your tracks. That is what “Worn” did to me and for me. This year has been like no other in my life. My grandmother had a massive stroke, which she will not recover from.  My grandfather was diagnosed with liver cancer and given 2 months to live. I then lost my job, and now we are in danger of losing our home.  I will find a way it will be okay. I repeated this mantra daily… but I didn’t pray . Then we got the call my dear cousin at 24 had taken her own life. The defeat was eminent. I was and still am broken. This I could not accept. How would I be strong for my children? How would i be strong for my family? I still did not pray . Not because I don’t believe in prayer or know how, my father is a pastor.  I was raised in the church . But because praying wasn’t going to change anything . And then while driving to the store feeling broken,  “Worn” came on and it stopped me . What was I doing? How am I supposed to carry this weight by myself ? Let me know redemption wins. These trials, this sadness I deal with every day are not mine to bear alone. I am fighting a battle, a spiritual battle. I have been fighting it every day for years now trying to ignore the fact that I have to let Him take control . I ‘m worn there is no doubt about it, and my prayers are wearing thin.  In the car at the store I gave up . I gave up trying to bear the pain, trying to understand why God had taken so much from me. I said,  “It is yours.” I am still struggling, I am still sad , but I am not alone . And redemption will win.