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Confessions of a Bridesmaid: Why My Thought-Life is So Important

Wedding season is upon us. My life is the epitome of the old saying “Always the bridesmaid and never the bride.”

I was in my first wedding when I was 9-years-old. At that time, I was so excited. I was eager to get into that special dress that the bride had picked out just for me and walk down the aisle with every eye on me. My next experience in the wedding world started at 21-years-old. From then on I’ve averaged what seems like one wedding per year.

And I’ve noticed something. With each wedding I’m asked to be a part of, the experience gets less and less exciting. Now don’t get me wrong. I am truly honored to be asked to be a part of a friend’s special day. Being asked to stand beside them and support them as they make one of the most important decisions of their life is not lost in my eyes. The hard part comes with getting older. I’m now 33-years-old and still come home to a cat that at best tolerates me.

Like many women, I’m sure, that have walked this same path, I’ve spent many moments of my life praying and asking God what the hold up is. Like Diana Ross sang, “You can’t hurry love. You just have to wait.” But I feel like I’ve done my fair share of waiting. While others younger than me are finding happiness and moving forward with their lives, I feel stuck wondering if I’ll ever get to experience what all of us are looking for: love and companionship.

The world doesn’t make this wait any easier.

Lyrics from a song that’s on the top 10 chart in pop radio tells us “You ain’t nobody ‘til you got somebody” send a terrifying and negative message to those who are single. I feel like screaming at this artist saying, “How dare you! You know how hard this world can treat young girls, and you’re right there supporting it–telling them they are no one of matter unless they have a boyfriend! You’re sick!”

But isn’t that exactly the message we get from everywhere? Married friends are eager to fix us up with anyone considered male and breathing because we must be broken being alone and with no one. TV ads for dating websites keep telling us not to spend the holidays alone; they can help us find meaning.

The truth is, that type of thinking is so dangerous.

In my 33 years, I’ve seen many girls I’ve called friends desperate to meet someone… ANYONE! What they are looking for is acceptance and a sense of belonging. With this need inside, they meet some guy who gives them attention, and they think this is their answer to prayer. They believe the lie that what they are waiting for doesn’t exist. Before they know it, these girls find themselves in destructive relationships that lead to unexpected pregnancies and/or abuse.

I don’t know about you but that’s not what I’ve dreamed of as my fairy tale ending.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about my situation. One thing that God has recently brought to my attention is my wrong way of thinking. By wrong way of thinking I mean I start to believe exactly what this world wants me to.

Thoughts start to pop in my head; things like:

“Something must be wrong with me.”

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not pretty enough.”

“I must be a bad Christian since God doesn’t see fit to place anyone in my life.”

This type of thinking QUICKLY takes me down a negative road full of anger, bitterness, resentment, and self pity. It’s not a fun place to stay and take a break. Trust me.

Instead, God is telling me I’ve got to change my way of thinking.

Immediately when one of these negative thoughts pops into my head, I need to stop it right in its tracks. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us just this:

We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.

Instead I’m to think on the positive. I’m to keep my thoughts on Christ and His ultimate control of all things. Philippians 4:8 says:

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Like I said, this type of action is new to me so it’ll take some time for me to get it down, but I’m determined to coat my mind in truth: the truth that there is nothing wrong with me. Instead, I’m perfect in God’s eyes. He is all knowing. He’s got a plan for my life, and though I may not see it from where I’m at now, I stand in faith believing it is the best for me. It’s like looking out of an airplane window. While on the ground, we can only see so much, but once we’re above the clouds, we can see so much more! That’s exactly how our sight of a situation is compared to Christ’s.

On those days when I get on social media and see where another 20 something year old got engaged or is having a baby and I start to feel myself taking a turn for that well worn negative road, I’ll know I need to stop and remind myself who I am in Christ.

I’ll admit it, I need daily confirmation that I’m important to Christ. I will unapologetically be that girl that’s needy – needing God to show me in His own special way that I’m always in His thoughts.

And it’s ok to be that way.

God wants us to daily lean on Him for all things. Living in a broken world that tells us God does not exist, and that we are waiting in hope for nothing can leave one feeling hopeless. I need God every moment of every day to stay faithful believing He is all He says He is.

I won’t always have the right way of thinking down. I’ll have my days that are harder than others.

But I hope to stay true to what I believe – that God sees me and knows my heart. No matter if I meet someone or not, I know true happiness and joy can only come from Him and not from another human being. Happiness, joy, and fulfillment can be found now!

My life isn’t stuck, it’s just waiting for me to get a grip and get moving toward God’s plan and not mine.

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Noelle Escovedo
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Noelle Escovedo

Woooooowww… beautifully written. You are amazing!!

Sharla
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Sharla

Betty Rock…wow, just wow! What a beautiful insight to being in a place of waiting. I’m in a place of waiting as well and find myself falling victim to the same negative thoughts at times. Each time that happens God reminds me that I am not alone, I am His, He is working all things for my good. He always finds a way to show me His promises and many times it’s through WayFM. I loved your point of the view from the airplane, we can’t see what God sees, we must trust Him to lead us there and the… Read more »

Gloria
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Gloria

Betty, you ROCK!! Thank you for that! I’ve been divorced for over 20 years. Still “alone” as the world views it. It took me all of that 20 years to realize I am not alone. I do not live alone. HE is always with me. Yes, I will trust in HIS plan for me. With that trust, I have HIM to talk to constantly. I feel HIS presence, whether in the car, at work, or home. Will I meet my soul mate someday? That would be cool. I’m not depending on that. It’s HIS plan I’m focusing on. HIS alone.… Read more »

Salena Luana
Member
Salena Luana

This is exactly what I’ve been going through and figuring out, especially the last few months. Last night at our youth group we sang a song with the lyrics, “I will build my life upon Your Word, it is a firm foundation.” As we were singing this song, I became bombarded with sad and negative thoughts for why this guy I’ve been really interested in, doesn’t seem to return the sentiment. At first I let the thoughts overwhelm me and I felt miserable, but then I decided to ignore the lies and start speaking truth over the situation. I spoke… Read more »

Nicole
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Nicole

Yes! Thank you, Betty Rock! You remind others that we are not alone. 🙂

Danielle
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Danielle

I can relate to this in so many ways!! I have to keep telling myself Be still, wait patiently on the Lord. He knows what is best for me and for all on us. It is his way and not ours. Thank you for sharing.

Sharon
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Sharon

Wow! Betty, that was incredibly helpful and encouraging. I didn’t expect to get spoken to today, but God used you! Thank you!

Darlene
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Darlene

So, so, so true!

Shania
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Shania

Thank You so much for sharing your heart Betty! It’s an absolute encouragement!

Cindi
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Cindi

Thank you for sharing your heart. My own walk with Christ started after a hard break up, and the unraveling of a life wrapped up in my “need” (and self-worth) to have a man beside me. Biblically-faithful women surrounded me as a baby Christian, and taught me to read the Bible as a Love Letter. Every week for two years, older couples prayed for my dreams, my walk with Jesus, and desires for a family. I am thankful to this day, for women covered me with their prayers and faith-filled encouragement (not judgement or fixes). I am also thankful to… Read more »

Ellen
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Ellen

Thank you for being transparent, Betty! Praying that God reminds you every moment of your worth to Him. He is ENOUGH!

D A
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D A

That was very beautifully written Betty. It’s almost as if you’ve walked the exact road I’ve walked and put on paper what I’ve been thinking and feeling. I have no doubt that you’re absolutely right. No man (or person) can ultimately fulfill us; and when we believe that lie it only makes us that more resentful when a relationship doesn’t happen. But I think that like Abraham we all have areas of our life where we need to “sacrifice” our Isaac and trust that God will be faithful. It’s just like in the book of Daniel when King Nebuchadnezzar threatened… Read more »

Janay
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Janay

Holy smokes! This is exactly what I needed to hear right now! I am in the same exact boat. So thank you! I so appreciate your words and your encouragement!

Sharon
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Sharon

I heard you discussing this on the radio this morning on my way to work. This is exactly what I needed right now. I have found myself in a season of singlesness and I am also trying to remind myself daily that this is God’s plan. I am in this season to strength my relationship with Him. Thank you for reminding me that also need to change my thought process. You are awesome and thank you so much for sharing this.

Laura E White
Member
Laura E White

Been a bridesmaid for quite a few weddings. Still single and approaching, well, let’s just say I’m way past 40. There are many things worse than staying single. You’re right. We’ve got to change our way of thinking, about marriage, about belonging. We make ourselves miserable looking for what we think we want, and missing what God wants for us.

April Jolene Lehman
Member

Thank you so much for your encouraging words! I’m about 10 years older than you and always been single. It’s not always an easy road to be on, even if my cat is very loving and welcomes me home every day after work. I also tend to feel lonely since I haven’t got a community here with any other Christian singles of my generation. My family is so marriage and child-oriented, that I think they don’t know what to do with me.
I’m just glad that I’m not alone in the struggle.

Marie
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Marie

That’s wonderful, Betty! So true. I’m almost 60 years old, was married and divorced. I believed the lie for over 50 years and now know God’s truth about being single. You learned this truth earlier in life. Bless you, Betty!

Ashley
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Ashley

You bless me any morning when listening to WayFM on my way to work, on my way to being in the world. I am so grateful for the work God began in your life and for His transforming power in your heart. He created you so special with you own unique bend. You crack me up and God pierces my heart and comforts me through your authenticity all at once! It’s so encouraging to hear the love and friendship in how all 4 of you interact. What’s awesome also is the love that binds you and Becca, often there is… Read more »

Vincent
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Vincent

Hey, it’s not just women who feel this way! I’m a 31 year old guy, been single all my life, and have struggled with similar thoughts. Recently, I began to focus less on trying to find someone, and more on finding fulfillment in my life by walking with God and becoming who He wants me to be.

Brittany
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Brittany

This is so encouraging to me! I am also 33 and have never been married. I have struggled with all of the same thoughts. Thank you!

Janet
Guest
Janet

Thank you so much for sharing this as I am going through the same. It will be 10 years since I have been divorced. But I refuse to settle just because someone is giving me attention. I will continue to wait and be patient for what God has in store for me. My complete focus needs to be on Him alone. Some days can be a struggle but I have live in His truth and know He has His best interest for me.