When I was married, I was oblivious to the challenges of my friends who were single, or single again.
And, I’m sorry.
I had been married to Dan MOST OF MY LIFE, close to 24 years. Since he passed away four years ago, it’s been eye opening.
Outside of learning to grieve, and learning to heal, I’ve been learning the ropes of how to do this single life.
FIVE THINGS I’ve learned since I’ve been single…
1. You should never pay for a home repair until it is 100 percent complete, to your satisfaction.
Get warranty information on parts and labor, in writing. I have quite a few almost-done repairs that were 100 percent paid for. My mistake.
Also, check Youtube to see if you can conquer it yourself. You will save money, and feel pretty good about it all. You can find some great tutorials in layman’s terms.
I replaced a toilet flush seal via Youtube: “Ya see that ther pipe? Don’t know what it’s called. Dudn matter. Below that is an orange rubber thingamabob…that’s what were gonna replace…”
Yeah…that’s right…I dig around in a toilet tank in my free time, and I am proud of it.
And…my toilet flushes.
2. You will receive an abundance of advice and opinions regarding your dating relationships or your choice to simply remain single.
Be discerning about whose advice you take to heart. Nobody else is in your exact position in life or dating or singleness.
You may need some new friends. I have some amazing friends from my “old” (married) life, lots of married couples. There is a chance some friends may not understand singleness as it pertains to today, and to you, so find a couple new friends, married or single, who are wise and who understand the challenges.
Don’t date in a vacuum. That’s dangerous. But be careful whose advice you take.
3. You are uniquely positioned to learn and explore and just be you.
You even get to make your own rules. You don’t have to make your bed, unless you like it made. Laundry straight from the dryer is fine, and so is yogurt for dinner, if that’s what you want. Take a road trip without planning a road trip.
Travel, see things, take a class, teach a class.
4. You might feel alienated.
The church, your former circle of friends if you were married before, even your coworkers, don’t really know what to do with you. If they are married, they feel their life — marriage — is the norm. And maybe marriage is in your hopes, plans, too. Still though, timing.
The truth is that more than half of adults in America are SINGLE. I started a “Singles Small Group” when I realized I was single, which took me a full year after losing my husband to cancer. That ended with a restraining order, so maybe don’t do that. But something like that is helpful.
Find your people.