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Please disregard the first copy of the email sent. Gotta love fat fingers on an iPhone anywho…
I feel strange writing this email to you a complete stranger, but I value your honest and human way you express your life in Christ.
Have you ever felt that God doesn’t really love you? I have been feeling very disconnected with what I know from I hear about His love to how I am feeling His love.
I often have felt that God really does not love me at all. I pray often and well the prayers I pray for others do often have a positive outcome whereas when I pray for myself the opposite seems to occur.
I really often wonder why I am even here. I have felt many times that my suffering and emotional pain does not matter to God.
I know there are others going through worse than I am but it really hurts to think that in my times of need I am alone.
I know I rightfully deserve the punishment of the human sinner yet I feel like God cares nothing for and about me. I have stopped praying for the things I most desire, a husband, kids and grandkids.
I want to believe in God but I feel he stopped believing in me. I really want to trust in Him, but I am losing my ability to care. I have been praying and trying to move forward in my life because 5 years ago I stopped living and pretty much have been merely existing and surviving.
I have lost hope in having a biological family and I am now losing hope in ever finding a little Joy in work/life.
How do I start trusting in God again?
I hope you are being blessed in your life.
Thank you for being you.
Hey girl, my fat fingers have sent many an email before I was ready too:)
I am sorry you are in such a bad headspace. I feel like I need to be very very clear with you. God DOES love you. I get what you are saying because I have felt that too.
I have felt like my prayers go no where and I am overlooked by God on a daily basis. I feel you. I don’t get too much into spiritual warfare but I can tell you that you are buying into a lie about God and yourself.
I do believe that Satan uses our doubts to cripple us and keep us from becoming who God knows we can be. God’s promises are true whether we feel them or not. God says I will NEVER leave you or turn my back on you. God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. The God who made everything you see knows you intimately and loved you enough to die for you.
So, when you are feeling you aren’t worth much or the world tries to reinforce that notion in you, go back to what God says about you and believe that.
Something you said struck me about prayer. You said you pray for others and you see positive outcomes but the opposite seems true for you. I have definitely felt that in my own life but here is what I learned.
First of all, you are only seeing other people’s highlight real. You don’t see all the other stuff going on. You don’t see their doubts, fears, and unanswered prayers. Usually we only get to see the good stuff in people’s lives on Facebook so we assume everything is great for them, but that reality is anything but real.
I get that you have desires for certain things in your life, we all do. One thing to consider is sometimes we can get so focused on making the dreams a reality that we miss the real stuff God is trying to do in our lives. He might have a different plan for us.
I had no intention of being in radio, let alone Christian radio, and I certainly had no idea 21 years ago that I would be talking to you today, but God did.
For me to avoid feeling like you have about prayer I changed the way I prayed. I began to pray less for outcomes and more for God’s will to be done in my life.
I then asked Him for the peace and strength to follow and handle whatever that looked like. It might seem simple but it changed me forever.
It also changed what I thought was important and refocused me. I found that as I sought God’s will it drew me closer to Him and changed my desires. It actually helped me see people, my life and the world around me differently.
I hope that maybe these thoughts can help you out a little.