“Few mothers do it willingly; very few do it well. But the boy has a question that needs an answer, and he cannot get the answer from his mother. Femininity can never bestow masculinity.” – John Eldredge
Ouch. That hurts. But it’s true. For most boys it happens in their teenage years, Eldredge explains in “Wild at Heart.”
Sometimes it gets ugly. A teenage boy pushing away from the comfort of mom will often get pretty stinkin’ rude. It’s hurtful to mom, boy feels guilty, but it’s a necessary thing.
I remember this clearly with my oldest, Daniel. The whole family around the table for dinner on a calm, Tuesday evening, and his testing of some choice words.
Shocked, I dared him to use those words again. And he did. Standing to his feet, towering over me at 15, tall and lanky, fiery green eyes meeting mine, the rest of the family mortified.
And so it began. A painful, teary separation for a mom, a bold declaration from a son: I’m a man. Move outta the way.
Now, the words weren’t acceptable, and he knew it, but lashing out was his way of saying it. I might not have heard it otherwise maybe.
In one look toward his Dad that said, “He’s all yours,” I stepped aside.
Fast forward, and my youngest is in that bold place now, at 22. My husband, his Dad, passed away when he was in high school, so we remained close. Sure, he had his moments, but the loss tamed them, and we were a family that needed each other closer for a little while longer.
Now, he’s engaged to be married, the joy of the season also marked by a quick transition that says, “move outta the way.” My role? Step aside.
Femininity cannot bestow masculinity.
You might be thinking, “Uh-oh. She’s got a situation. Who do you turn to with the, ‘He’s all yours now,’ look? You’re all alone, girlfriend.”
I can answer that for you.
I have prayed good men into his life since even before Dan, his Dad, passed away five years ago. When Dan was diagnosed with cancer, that became a passionate prayer.
After the loss, our worship leader took him under his wing, and to this day, even though we are halfway across the country, he still plays a critical role in my son’s life.
With the engagement, I dropped to my knees even harder. I’m just a girl, I don’t have the “rawr!” for this. Back up, please, God! I can’t do this, but I know YOU can.
Enter…a good friend who, like my son, likes to shoot guns. (rawr!)
Enter…a connection through a WayFM coworker who began a small group for young men. A good group of young guys who are also either engaged or newly married? Rawrrrrrrrrrr!
Moms, God loves our boys even more than we do. Crazy to even try to wrap our momma minds around that one. But, it’s true. And, He knows just what they need. God can interpret our moans apparently, so I am sure He will understand you when you pray for, “Rawr.”
And, move outta the way. That’s the hard part.
Thanks for reading, and for listening. If you’d like to read “Wild at Heart” with us, come on in! The murky, muddy, water is nice and warm. It will help you understand the rawr in your husband, male friends, and sons. Eye opening.
Our reading buddy, Bob Wheatley, can make some great book recommendations for you too, at www.thewheatleyreader.com